Learning on the job

As a new parent, I am totally learning on the job.  I neglected to read parenting books while I was pregnant.  In fact, I didn't even read any breastfeeding books. (Bianca, I did read some of the Newman book before the baby came, but it really didn't make any sense to me until the baby came.  I brought it to the hospital with me and after he was born, that book became a great resource).  So the last seven weeks have consisted of a lot of googling and second guessing myself.

When I was pregnant, we signed up for Bradley Birthing Classes but missed quite a few classes and so I told people that I would need to cram the week before the birth when I figured I would have tine to read more and practice my relaxation exercises without a full time job getting in my way.  Even now, I feel like I am cramming. I have one more month at home as a full time mommy and its killing me to know that I will only be a part time parent.  To me that means that I have alot to do before I go back to work in terms of setting a routine up for my son. Up until now, I have basically let him set the schedule for the day if he was fussy.  Other days, we went according to my schedule, but that is not what a child needs.  A child needs a consistent routine.  

I just ordered three baby books that will hopefully help me navigate my new world.  One of my biggest goals before going back to work is to get the baby on a sleep routine and sleeping longer at night.  Right now, he nurses every three hours at night and has gone as long as four hours. I don't expect this to change much, but I still need a solution that will allow both of us to sleep more. The mistake that I continue to make is that I don't put him to bed until after 10 pm most nights and so we end up sleeping until 9 in the morning.  I need to put him to bed at 8am.  The reason I have trouble with this is because I feel like I need to be laying next to him while he sleeps and I don't want to go to bed at 8am.  One of the books I ordered is the No Cry Sleep Solution book.  I'm counting on this to give me insight in a gentle approach to setting a sleep routine.  The other book I order is the Vaccine Book by Sears which I borrowed from the library and liked.  However, I want it a permanent resource for each time he gets a vaccine.  I really like the way the book is laid out and I like Sears philosophy. The third book I ordered is What to Expect the First Year.  I was not going to order this since I hate the what to expect when your pregnant book, but after reading some of the reviews, I decided to take a chance.

Okay, so now I have some of my "required reading" for learning on the job.  Like I said, I wish I would have read some parenting books ahead of time while I was pregnant.  I read alot of natural childbirth books, but that did not do  me any good considering I ended up having a c-section.

What a treasure I was given this year

After many years of trying to have a child, I feel incredibly lucky to have been blessed with my son.  When I look at him, I think about how he will grow up to be a man that I am proud of and that I will forever be grateful to God for gracing me with the love of a child.  This Christmas, I have alot to be thankful for.  All of this gratitude makes me think that I will baptise him.  Since we don't go to church, I didn't think I would baptise him, but now I think I would like to show my gratitude to God in some formal way. Also, I think it might be good to baptise him with some sort of official religion even if we don't follow it 100%.  This seems sort of silly and even hypocritical of me, however, I think it would be easier for him as a child to understand God in the context of a particular religion rather than just understanding God as nature, or claiming to be "spiritual, but not religious," like his mother.  I'm afraid that might be too abstract for a child and I'd rather give him some sort of structured religion to some degree.  He can always criticize or reject it later, but atleast I'll give him a foundation to start with.  Since I don't go to church, I need to make time to start going to church and see what I think of the Catholic church here in Hiawatha.  If I'm really turned off, I will also check out the Episcopal church in town.

Smiling in between the tears

Baby Thomas is now smiling much more and even smiles when Tom coaches him to.  This is really nice since he's been really fussy lately.  Half of the time he nurses, he ends up with painful cries afterwards from reflux and gas.  Also, he is still suffering from a yeasty diaper rash which has been around for three weeks or so.  I feel like a bad mother letting it go on for so long, but I have been trying to treat it in various ways starting with Desitin.  After seeing the pediatrician, I started treating it with nystantin and cut out citrus from my diet.  After a week, it improved but did not completely go away.  The pediatrician told me to take diary out of my diet and see how that works.  That is so hard for me and unfortunately, last week I gave in to my weakness of mozzarella cheese, yogurt milk shakes, and in the spirit of the holidays - eggnog. This week, I started treating his rash with coconut oil which is an all natural antifugal, but that is not working either, although I like the smell of it.  Next step is to remove diary from my diet. This might also help his gas and reflux which is an added bonus.  As hard as this is for me, I am telling myself that I have done it before when I was on the "fat flush" diet last summer for two weeks and so I can certainly do it again.

Rant: Self-promotion and pushy salespeople

Yesterday I wanted to get out of the house since I needed time away from the baby and so I left Tom with four ounces of milk and went off to run a few errands.  I really wanted to get a manicure and pedicure, but I also wanted to get fitted for a nursing bra since I don't think the ones I have fit me right.  So I went to the Birth Boutique in Denville.  After spending about an hour there I wished I had went for the maini/pedi.

I had been to that store when I was pregnant to get a few things.  I remember the owner of the store being really pushy - telling me to sign up for her birthing class before it booked up and also pushing me to buy her breastfeeding DVD.  I didn't like her then and I don't like her now.  I had shared with the salesperson that I had sore nipples and she started to try and convince me to set up a consult with the owner of the store who is a lactation consultant.  I had explained that I already saw a consultant in Chatam.  She continued to try and get me in for that afternoon.  While I was in the dressing room I remembered that the pediatrician in the hospital told me not to go to the lactation consultant in Denville.  Then I also remembered how much I didn't like her many months ago when I was pregnant.  The sales woman continued to be pushy and I knew that I needed an exit plan.  I didn't think she was fitting me right for the bras (she only measured my back and not the circumference around my chest) and none of them felt right.  Upon me leaving the dressing room, the sales person ambushed me again and asked what time I wanted to come back to see the owner for a consult.  I said that I needed to talk with her first to understand her general philosophy. 

She came out of her office and everything she shared with me was counter to what La Leche League and other breastfeeding experts say.  She acknowledged that it was a completely different approach. First of all, she does not believe in nipple confusion and even introduces a bottle within the first week. She said that it should not be taking a five week old baby 30 minutes to nurse and that she could show me how to get him to nurse on both breasts in under 10 minutes.  I asked if this would cause a hindmilk/foremilk imbalance and she said no.  She said that the imbalance issue is only a problem in the first two weeks when the breasts are engorged.  She could tell that I was skeptical and didn't believe her and so she started to tell me how she is the expert for Babies R Us and how she is leaving for a speaking engagement in Washington next week and so if I want to meet with her I would need to come right away.  I told her that I needed to digest what she was telling me first and think it over.

Needless to say, she continued to promote herself as a renowned expert - even claiming to be a national expert.  The other thing that annoyed me was how she was undermining the consultant I saw in Chatam.  Clearly, they all know eachother and some of the things she said were meant to convey that I received bad advice.  Although I am still having difficultly, I trust the woman in Chatam 100 times more than this woman in Denville.  Unlike the Denville woman, the woman in Chatam is not self-promoting.  She doesn't encourage me to buy anything (although she has a store as well) and her philosophy is simple - use the baby as your guide.  Thank God, I remembered how the pediatrican warned me against the woman in Denville.  And thank God that I saw Maria in Chatam first since I might have fallen under the Birth Boutique's woman's spell of self-promotion in my delicate post-partum state.  Next time, I'll just get the mani/pedi and relax.

Baby, its cold outside

It's winter time!!!

Baby Wearing

Moby wrap

Ergo Carrier

I now have two carriers for the baby.  I prefer using the Moby wrap indoors since its soft and doesn't dig into my sides when I sit down and its really comfortable.  The Ergo carrier is great for walking, especially outdoors and I suspect that I will use it much more in the spring when I'm out and about.

Soaking in the Sunshine

Tommy likes to sit in his bathtub while looking out the kitchen window. He loves the sunshine on his face.

Cousins

Baby Tommy with his cousins the day after Thanksgiving. So many kids he has to grow up with. -- And this is just one side of the family.  More family photos to come.

Baby Wearing

So I am wearing the ergo baby carrier today and each time I put baby Tommy in the carrier he falls asleep.  Its a good way to calm him down when he is cranky while remaining hands free.  However, I am missing out on taking my own naps this way.

As Nature Intended

Since my labor and delivery did not go as I had imagined, it was more important to me than ever for breastfeeding to be successful.  While nursing my newborn son, I have the unique opportunity to get to know him in a very intimate way.  To watch the way his eyes flutter while he drifts off to sleep while nursing, the way his eyebrows raise while awaiting the milk flow, the way he squeaks as he swallows, the way he falls into a "milk coma" and lies on my chest completely satisfied and at peace after nursing. 

When he was first born, his face was so small and he would open his mouth so wide that he reminded me of a baby bird awaiting food from the mama bird. He was all mouth. I knew that I was following nature's plan.  My intuitions concerning nature's plan were further confirmed when we visited Maria, the lactation consultant, who reminded us that we are mammals, and as such, we follow certain primitive patterns that ensure our survival. She reminded me that as long as I listen to my intuition and let my baby be my guide, that I will find breastfeeding to come easy.  Of course, she helped me with the basic mechanics of a good latch, but above all she raised my confidence in myself as a mother who naturally had all the tools needed to care for my newborn son.

Hospital Honeymoon

I didn't want to leave the hospital since it was an oasis for me and baby Tommy.  It was a safe place where we could simply explore each other without the distractions of pets to take care of, mail to sort through, ect. my time with baby Tommy in the hospital was akin to a honeymoon.  The physical space of my hospital room was smaller than my house and so that meant that I didn't have so much "stuff" to distract my attention from my time with the baby. All I really needed in the hospital was a pitcher of water next to my bed, my burt's bees lip balm, and my iphone for calls, email and facebook.  While in the hospital, I took advantage of as much help as possible with breastfeeding and baby care. During the day, I would show off my new son to visitors and when the visitors went home, I had long nights ahead of me to explore and fall in love with my son.  It surprising felt like falling in love.  So very intimate and special.  I am truly blessed to have had this opportunity...  I will forever be grateful.

First Night Home

Daddy rocking baby Thomas the first night home

That first night home was scary.  Baby Tommy screamed for most of it and Tom and I had an argument over whether or not to use the pacifier.  I was concerned that it would interfere with breastfeeding and he didn't understand.  I remember holding my new son in my arms while I rocked in the glider and tears came to my eyes.  He looked so small, so fragile, so precious and so innocent.  It was a moment that I can not describe in words, but I saw something magical in his eyes. And I imagined what sort of child he would grow up to be, what sort of relationship we would have, and what sort of man he would eventually grow up to be.  In that moment, I knew that I needed to protect him from all of the horrors of this world and raise him to be the best man he can be.  It all became frighteningly real and wonderful all at the same time, unlike our 3 day "honeymoon" in the hospital....

Labor Day

After much reading and preparation for natural childbirth, I ended up having a c-section due to extremely high blood pressure and the baby's heartbeat being dangerously low each time I contracted.  Baby Tommy's birth story is not one that I enjoy recalling, however, the day that I went into labor was relaxing and uneventful.  Instead of focusing on the way my labor and delivery turned out, I have decided to focus on how well my pregnancy went. 

The morning of 10/27, I had a fleeting thought run through my mind that it might be labor day, but I quickly dismissed this since I thought it was simply wishful thinking.  I remember that I was loading the dishwasher as this thought crossed my mind.  I was anticipating the arrival of my in laws from Florida later that afternoon and so I was doing some last minutes household chores and cleaning before they arrived.  I think I event wiped down the bathroom tiles that morning.  I had been cleaning for about 10 days since I stopped working.  I wanted to keep busy and keep moving as much as possible to help induce labor naturally.  Sometime after lunch, I received a call from a co-worker with questions and so I could not take the nap I planned that afternoon.  Around 2:30 pm my in-laws arrived and we chatted for a few hours until my husband Tom came home from work and then we had an early dinner of chicken parm take out from the local Italian restaurant. I received a few calls from friends such as Jody, Victoria and Krista before dinner.  After dinner, I went to my nephew's flag football game with my in-laws while Tom went to his boss's 60th birthday party.

While Tom was at the party my water broke. It was 7:30 pm and I was sitting on the couch in my living room with my inlaws when I suddenly felt something "move into place" and then alot of pressure.  I went to the bathroom and a big gush of water emptied into the toilet. I wasn't sure if it was actually my "water breaking," but it was definitely weird.  I came downstairs and told my inlaws that something had changed.  Bonnie asked me if my water broke (how did she know?) and I said that I think it did.  Then Tom came home and I was reluctant to tell him right away since he tended to get really excited and anxious about any signs of labor and I didn't want to rush off to the hospital too early since I was afraid of arriving too early and then being "on the clock" or being embarrassed in case it was a false alarm.  So I just sat on the birth ball/exercise ball that my friend Bianca lent to me and rocked back and forth.  I went to the bathroom every 20 minutes and more water keep leaking out.  I called the midwife on call to see what she thought and she said that I could come in to check it out.  If my water did not break, then they could send me home. 

By 10 pm, I was timing the contractions and they were 5-7 minutes apart for an hour.  Now I knew that I would have to eventually get to the hospital.  By 11:30 pm we were making sure that we had everything we needed packed for the hospital.  Although my bag had been packed for weeks, I needed to add last minute items such as my eye pillow/mask, lavender essential oil for relaxation, my iphone/ipod earphones so I could listen to the labor playlist that I created (consisting of yogic chants, relaxation tracks and a hypo-birthing track), snacks for Tom, ect.

Tom made me call my mom on the way to the hospital to let her know that we were going to check it out and see if I was actually in labor.  I was reluctant to call since I still thought it might be too early.  I think that my reluctance to accept that I was in labor was my way of remaining calm.  When we arrived at the hospital, the woman at the labor and delivery desk asked us why we were there.  It was a really weird question and I didn't know how to answer since I thought it was obvious.  Then another woman, who was much nicer, checked us in and then I went to a room for monitoring.  The monitor confirmed that I was contracting and the midwife confirmed that my water had broken.  However, the bad news was that I was not dilated.  They talked me into using cervidil to soften my cervix which meant that I need to lay flat for 2 hours - something that I did not want to do as I planned to be walking the hallways and using the birth balls to help labor speed up. Besides having to lay down to allow the cervidil to work, I needed to be monitored for my increasing high blood pressure.  My blood pressure was normal for most of my pregnancy and only started inching up a little bit in the last two weeks.  At my last prenatal appointment it was 120/80 which wasn't bad, but it was slightly elevated. 

I am not going to recount all of the many hours of labor and the many drugs that they gave me to try to regulate my blood pressure, increase contractions, relieve pain, ect.  Instead, I'll summarize it by saying that after 14 hours of labor, I only dilated 6 centimeters, my blood pressure escalated to 190/100 and the baby's heartbeat was dropping to 90 beats per minute.  At 2pm they called for a c-section and by 3:09 pm on Thursday, October 28, 2010 my beautiful healthy son was born.

Immediately upon hearing him scream for the very first time, I started crying, sobbing really.  I wanted so much to hold him, but I couldn't since they took him to the nursery while they stitched me up.  I don't know if I would be able to hold him if they offered since my arms felt very heavy from the spinal block.

Tom went to the nursery and was amazing confident as a new father.  He looked so happy - the happiest I've ever seen him and that made me very happy.

About two hours later (it should have never taken this long) I was reunited with my son and got to hold him for the first time. It was amazing.  I didn't want to share him with anyone, but ended up letting Dale hold him for the first time.  While Dale was holding him, baby Tommy had his first dirty diaper.  Dale was very happy and proud to be holding his newest nephew.  He had tears in his eyes... 

The first night in the hospital as a family felt special.  It was a Thursday night and so Tom and I tried to watch The Office - our favorite TV show, but needless to say after being awake for almost 36 hours, I fell asleep within the first 5 minutes.   This was the beginning of a new world for the Summers family...

Rant: Thank God she is not a Midwife

I went to Avalon this morning for an ultrasound because I was concerned about a possible decrease in the baby's movements.  I probably slept for 5 hours last night and I was exhausted and anxious to say the least.  After the ultrasound I met with the Nurse Practioner (NP), who I have not respect for since the first time I met her she told me that walking my 87 pound dog was not exercise and that I should watch the Jersey Shore reality show.  Anyway, I told her that I didn't want to work any longer and I was seeking her advice.  She went on and on about equal rights in the workplace for women and how pregnancy is not a disability.  She shared with me how she is 20 years older than me and worked in corporate America before entering nursing.  She said that in her day women fought for pregnancy not to be labled as a disability and to be treated equally.  She also said that as long as I am expecting full time pay, my employer should expect full time work.  She said that even at 37 weeks pregnant, I should be leaving after my boss every night and that everyone in my office is feeling stressed due to the Gala coming up in three weeks.  I couldn't beleive what she was saying.  After meeting with her, I asked to meet with one of the midwives who told me that I could go out on disability now if I wanted to since I work for the State of NJ and they do define pregancy after 36 weeks a disability, but that I would need to get the paperwork from HR.  I was so frustrated and I told her that I would get back to her.  However, I appreciated her approach and kind nature.  I only have 7 more working days left as I originally planned for my last day in the office to be October 15th, and so I might just stick it out.  However, I need to express my feelings about the NP to one of the midwives next time I am there.  As the title of this post reads, thank GOD the NP does not deliver babies.  I would refuse to have her attend my baby's birth.  And I hope to never see her again.

In other news, the crib and dresser arrived yesterday and is getting all set up with the crib sheets, ect.  The only thing left to do is put the blinds and curtains up and put the clothes away.

Awaiting Baby Summers

38 1/2 weeks pregnant

Today we installed the car seat and I washed the newborn clothes. I never thought I would be superstitious, but I am. However, I'm getting anxious about the baby's arrival and want to be prepared in case he is born early.

Next on the list is to pack the hospital bag. I already made list of things I will pack such as my eye pillow, my favorite bed pillow, burts bees lip balm, bathing suit in hopes that I will have the chance to labor in the birthing tub.

Tuesday the crib and dresser are being delivered. We are keeping the animals out of the baby's room and so that will be the cleanest room in the house. I love my dog, but I'm really getting tired of all the dog hair everywhere. Our bedroom needs a complete cleaning before baby comes home.