Baby Wearing

Moby wrap

Ergo Carrier

I now have two carriers for the baby.  I prefer using the Moby wrap indoors since its soft and doesn't dig into my sides when I sit down and its really comfortable.  The Ergo carrier is great for walking, especially outdoors and I suspect that I will use it much more in the spring when I'm out and about.

Soaking in the Sunshine

Tommy likes to sit in his bathtub while looking out the kitchen window. He loves the sunshine on his face.

Cousins

Baby Tommy with his cousins the day after Thanksgiving. So many kids he has to grow up with. -- And this is just one side of the family.  More family photos to come.

Baby Wearing

So I am wearing the ergo baby carrier today and each time I put baby Tommy in the carrier he falls asleep.  Its a good way to calm him down when he is cranky while remaining hands free.  However, I am missing out on taking my own naps this way.

As Nature Intended

Since my labor and delivery did not go as I had imagined, it was more important to me than ever for breastfeeding to be successful.  While nursing my newborn son, I have the unique opportunity to get to know him in a very intimate way.  To watch the way his eyes flutter while he drifts off to sleep while nursing, the way his eyebrows raise while awaiting the milk flow, the way he squeaks as he swallows, the way he falls into a "milk coma" and lies on my chest completely satisfied and at peace after nursing. 

When he was first born, his face was so small and he would open his mouth so wide that he reminded me of a baby bird awaiting food from the mama bird. He was all mouth. I knew that I was following nature's plan.  My intuitions concerning nature's plan were further confirmed when we visited Maria, the lactation consultant, who reminded us that we are mammals, and as such, we follow certain primitive patterns that ensure our survival. She reminded me that as long as I listen to my intuition and let my baby be my guide, that I will find breastfeeding to come easy.  Of course, she helped me with the basic mechanics of a good latch, but above all she raised my confidence in myself as a mother who naturally had all the tools needed to care for my newborn son.

Hospital Honeymoon

I didn't want to leave the hospital since it was an oasis for me and baby Tommy.  It was a safe place where we could simply explore each other without the distractions of pets to take care of, mail to sort through, ect. my time with baby Tommy in the hospital was akin to a honeymoon.  The physical space of my hospital room was smaller than my house and so that meant that I didn't have so much "stuff" to distract my attention from my time with the baby. All I really needed in the hospital was a pitcher of water next to my bed, my burt's bees lip balm, and my iphone for calls, email and facebook.  While in the hospital, I took advantage of as much help as possible with breastfeeding and baby care. During the day, I would show off my new son to visitors and when the visitors went home, I had long nights ahead of me to explore and fall in love with my son.  It surprising felt like falling in love.  So very intimate and special.  I am truly blessed to have had this opportunity...  I will forever be grateful.

First Night Home

Daddy rocking baby Thomas the first night home

That first night home was scary.  Baby Tommy screamed for most of it and Tom and I had an argument over whether or not to use the pacifier.  I was concerned that it would interfere with breastfeeding and he didn't understand.  I remember holding my new son in my arms while I rocked in the glider and tears came to my eyes.  He looked so small, so fragile, so precious and so innocent.  It was a moment that I can not describe in words, but I saw something magical in his eyes. And I imagined what sort of child he would grow up to be, what sort of relationship we would have, and what sort of man he would eventually grow up to be.  In that moment, I knew that I needed to protect him from all of the horrors of this world and raise him to be the best man he can be.  It all became frighteningly real and wonderful all at the same time, unlike our 3 day "honeymoon" in the hospital....

Labor Day

After much reading and preparation for natural childbirth, I ended up having a c-section due to extremely high blood pressure and the baby's heartbeat being dangerously low each time I contracted.  Baby Tommy's birth story is not one that I enjoy recalling, however, the day that I went into labor was relaxing and uneventful.  Instead of focusing on the way my labor and delivery turned out, I have decided to focus on how well my pregnancy went. 

The morning of 10/27, I had a fleeting thought run through my mind that it might be labor day, but I quickly dismissed this since I thought it was simply wishful thinking.  I remember that I was loading the dishwasher as this thought crossed my mind.  I was anticipating the arrival of my in laws from Florida later that afternoon and so I was doing some last minutes household chores and cleaning before they arrived.  I think I event wiped down the bathroom tiles that morning.  I had been cleaning for about 10 days since I stopped working.  I wanted to keep busy and keep moving as much as possible to help induce labor naturally.  Sometime after lunch, I received a call from a co-worker with questions and so I could not take the nap I planned that afternoon.  Around 2:30 pm my in-laws arrived and we chatted for a few hours until my husband Tom came home from work and then we had an early dinner of chicken parm take out from the local Italian restaurant. I received a few calls from friends such as Jody, Victoria and Krista before dinner.  After dinner, I went to my nephew's flag football game with my in-laws while Tom went to his boss's 60th birthday party.

While Tom was at the party my water broke. It was 7:30 pm and I was sitting on the couch in my living room with my inlaws when I suddenly felt something "move into place" and then alot of pressure.  I went to the bathroom and a big gush of water emptied into the toilet. I wasn't sure if it was actually my "water breaking," but it was definitely weird.  I came downstairs and told my inlaws that something had changed.  Bonnie asked me if my water broke (how did she know?) and I said that I think it did.  Then Tom came home and I was reluctant to tell him right away since he tended to get really excited and anxious about any signs of labor and I didn't want to rush off to the hospital too early since I was afraid of arriving too early and then being "on the clock" or being embarrassed in case it was a false alarm.  So I just sat on the birth ball/exercise ball that my friend Bianca lent to me and rocked back and forth.  I went to the bathroom every 20 minutes and more water keep leaking out.  I called the midwife on call to see what she thought and she said that I could come in to check it out.  If my water did not break, then they could send me home. 

By 10 pm, I was timing the contractions and they were 5-7 minutes apart for an hour.  Now I knew that I would have to eventually get to the hospital.  By 11:30 pm we were making sure that we had everything we needed packed for the hospital.  Although my bag had been packed for weeks, I needed to add last minute items such as my eye pillow/mask, lavender essential oil for relaxation, my iphone/ipod earphones so I could listen to the labor playlist that I created (consisting of yogic chants, relaxation tracks and a hypo-birthing track), snacks for Tom, ect.

Tom made me call my mom on the way to the hospital to let her know that we were going to check it out and see if I was actually in labor.  I was reluctant to call since I still thought it might be too early.  I think that my reluctance to accept that I was in labor was my way of remaining calm.  When we arrived at the hospital, the woman at the labor and delivery desk asked us why we were there.  It was a really weird question and I didn't know how to answer since I thought it was obvious.  Then another woman, who was much nicer, checked us in and then I went to a room for monitoring.  The monitor confirmed that I was contracting and the midwife confirmed that my water had broken.  However, the bad news was that I was not dilated.  They talked me into using cervidil to soften my cervix which meant that I need to lay flat for 2 hours - something that I did not want to do as I planned to be walking the hallways and using the birth balls to help labor speed up. Besides having to lay down to allow the cervidil to work, I needed to be monitored for my increasing high blood pressure.  My blood pressure was normal for most of my pregnancy and only started inching up a little bit in the last two weeks.  At my last prenatal appointment it was 120/80 which wasn't bad, but it was slightly elevated. 

I am not going to recount all of the many hours of labor and the many drugs that they gave me to try to regulate my blood pressure, increase contractions, relieve pain, ect.  Instead, I'll summarize it by saying that after 14 hours of labor, I only dilated 6 centimeters, my blood pressure escalated to 190/100 and the baby's heartbeat was dropping to 90 beats per minute.  At 2pm they called for a c-section and by 3:09 pm on Thursday, October 28, 2010 my beautiful healthy son was born.

Immediately upon hearing him scream for the very first time, I started crying, sobbing really.  I wanted so much to hold him, but I couldn't since they took him to the nursery while they stitched me up.  I don't know if I would be able to hold him if they offered since my arms felt very heavy from the spinal block.

Tom went to the nursery and was amazing confident as a new father.  He looked so happy - the happiest I've ever seen him and that made me very happy.

About two hours later (it should have never taken this long) I was reunited with my son and got to hold him for the first time. It was amazing.  I didn't want to share him with anyone, but ended up letting Dale hold him for the first time.  While Dale was holding him, baby Tommy had his first dirty diaper.  Dale was very happy and proud to be holding his newest nephew.  He had tears in his eyes... 

The first night in the hospital as a family felt special.  It was a Thursday night and so Tom and I tried to watch The Office - our favorite TV show, but needless to say after being awake for almost 36 hours, I fell asleep within the first 5 minutes.   This was the beginning of a new world for the Summers family...